Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
