do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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