and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
