You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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