I can tuck mytits in my pants
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
