Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher