He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
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the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
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The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.