Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.