how can u be prego again
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up