just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...