Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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