I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
