you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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