you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
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Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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