she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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