i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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