My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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