So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
