Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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