He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I believe in your delicious
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
