I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
and you fell through a lawn chair
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
