My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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