I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
