All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
