WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
