I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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