So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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