he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
