My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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