You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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