Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
