Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize