There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
