so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
