while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
soo... how was my night?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
