he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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