too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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