And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
