you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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