Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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