Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
