took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
