Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
