take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
