I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i drank out of a bidet.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
