You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
