She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
