I will die if light touches me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
