I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
