Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
