I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
