What a fucking waste of an outfit
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
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I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
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I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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