He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
