That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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