this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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