I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
