apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
