we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
