Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
