You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
