a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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