You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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