Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
