i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize