I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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