I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
