I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
